Top 10 Funniest Twitterers

Some people use Twitter to network and some use it to stalk their favourite celebrities. Of course some also use it as a sounding board for incessant ramblings, because people sure do care about what they’re having for lunch and what time their auntie is coming to visit… Probably best to avoid those ones. 

Anyway, some Twitter users are hilariously funny, these people are largely comedians, or comedy writers. But occasionally someone completely unexpected will say something rofl-worthy and you’ll wonder why you’ve not been an avid follower of theirs since the beginning of time (/Twitter).

Whether intentionally funny or not I have come up with a list of my Top 10 lolsome Twitterers for you to judge and enjoy. 

Zooey Deschanel @therealzooeyd

Actress Zooey Deschanel has appeared in movies liiiike Yes Man, Elf and (500) Days of Summer. Her tweets often use subtle observational humour and are always worth a look, here are some of my favourite Zooey tweets:

Sometimes I just want to cartwheel all over town. you know?

I love when the word “technology” is used in the context of hair products. It really makes me feel like I am in the future, living the dream.

Why did they need 5 people to sing all of those spice girls songs? I mean there aren’t really any harmonies. #unsolvedmysteriesofthe90

I hope one day I am driving down the street, and I happen upon a spontaneous dance-off, and then I can decide who wins. Then eat ice cream.

Jedward @planetjedward

Jedward, arguably one of the best things to come out of an X Factor competition since it began. Love them or hate them, their tweets make you do that thing where you frown in confusement, tilt your head to the side in puzzlement and then express a nervous little laugh while wondering what the hell they’re actually talking about. Some of their best tweets:

What finger do you use to type with? Thumb, index finger, baby finger wanna know what we use? Our nose it smells the words

Who likes to google themselves and once we googled windows and loads of pictures of windows came up

Eating an apple is like a journey you are eating it and you travel all around the Planet apple and sometimes you find worms

Allie Brosh @AllieBrosh

Allie Brosh is the writer and illustrator of hyperboleandahalf.com which I mentioned on my previous hub about hilarious blogs… Most of these hilarious bloggers actually have hilarious tweets too, I should probably link up the two blogs somehow… Hmm. Here are some of Allie’s best tweets:

It is morning. Boxes surround me. Random objects strewn about. I cannot lift my arms. If I was a wizard, this wouldn’t be happening.

Flight delayed again. I don’t even think there is a flight. I think it’s all an elaborate prank that ends with me living in an airport.

I distrust information from websites that use cheesy clip art for the same reason I distrust doctors who wear silly hats.

Kat Dennings @OfficialKat

Actress Kat Dennings has most notably been in films like Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist, and The 40-Year-Old Virgin. I recently discovered her blog http://www.katdennings.com/ and then had a hunt around for her Twitter. Turns out it was waaay worth it. Some of her best tweets:

In 2011, anything that is less than 100% awesome is NOT OKAY WITH ME

…If someone comes up to me and is like “here is this thing, it’s 99% awesome” I will be like “NO!” and flick them in the shoulder maybe

A lady over there is yelling at her dogs to follow her. Surely if she just keeps walking they will…because THEY ARE ON LEASHES CRAZY LADY

David Thorne @27bslash6

I have definitely mentioned David Thorne before over at my Funniest Blogs hubpage… He deserves another mention here as his tweets keep me on my lollerskates all day long. He mainly promotes his blog posts, other people’s funny blog posts and YouTube videos that have made him laugh. Here are some of his funniest tweets:

Just emailed an annoying client “I have your children.” Sent a second five minutes later stating “Sorry, that email wasn’t meant for you.”

Seems the 27bslash6 server is down again. Someone in Adelaide must have switched on a light. We are supposed to share that 240 volts.

Offspring asked if spastic was a special kind of plastic. Told him he was a special kind of plastic.

I wish my offspring had red hair. That way, if I beat him in public, everyone would cheer instead of frowning.

Scroobius Pip @Scroobiuspipyo

Scroobius Pip, one half of electro/hip-hop duo Dan le Sac vs Scroobius Pip seems to really engage with his followers on Twitter, putting random questions out there for anyone to answer and firing back a funny response to whatever queries or observations come his way. His random wit and dry humour also makes for pretty good reading! Best bits:

Sometimes when looking at a normal cat I like to pretend it is a cat that has just got to England after travelling the world on its wits alone.

I’ve woken up with one quite dirty ear. Did one of you put something in it after I went to sleep? I hate your pranks.

For the next week I shall treat my front door like a Knock Knock joke and ask “Who’s there” then “(insert answer) who?”. I’m fun.

Danny Wallace @misterwallace

Author, script-writer, journalist and producer Danny Wallace is probably best known for the book Yes Man, which went on to become a Hollywood movie starring Jim Carrey and Zooey Deschanel. He should also be known for his tweets, here are a few of the best:

I just worked out that “Andy Gray Richard Keys” is an anagram of “Scary, hairy, grand dyke.” Sexism hidden in plain sight.

Off to the comedy awards. Have left Richard Bacon in my house, babysitting. Am confident nothing can go wrong.

Sitting in LAX. Approached by a stranger. “Do you know how to fix my computer?”. Why not just trip me up and call me four eyes?

Shitmydadsays @shitmydadsays

Someone called Justin has an awesome dad that says mildly offensive things almost constantly. He created a Twitter account purely to document them. Some of my favourite tweets:

You seen my cell phone? …What’s it look like? Like two horses f**king. It’s a phone, son. It looks like a phone.

Engagement rings are pointless. Indians gave cows…Oh sorry, congrats on proposing. We good now? Can I finish my Indian story?

Nervous? In 5 billion years the sun will burn out and nothing you did will matter. Feel better?

Bo Burnham @boburnham

I may have mentioned him before… In fact I definitely have, but Bo Burnham is amazing. Get his albums, watch his videos, read his tweets! His massively clever humour, mixed with dry wit and intense sarcasm make him definitely rofltastic. Some of my favourite tweets:

Life is a lot like an unfinished tweet, because it always makes people really

Doing a comedy tour is a lot like eating McDonald’s everyday because people laugh at you and you eat McDonald’s everyday.

Dear mainstream rappers, we get it – “bottles” rhymes with “models” – now please start using other words.

Russel Brand @rustyrockets

A lot of Russell Brand’s tweets are laugh out loud bonkers, based on the premise of him writing to his mum – usually ending with the sign off ‘Send condoms’. It’s also a lot of fun to watch the occasional banter between him and new wife Katy Perry. Here are some of his best tweets:

Mum, I’m the swan queen! This ballet company is too competitive, Winona Ryder is freaking out. Must cut toenails – send condoms.

I smelt Justin Bieber’s hair. It was like a vanilla meadow made from lego. I’d eat my dinner off it.

Aids day is over but still wear condoms if you’re a man, femi-demi-ding-doms if you’re a woman and both if you are bisexual.

So what do you think? Have I missed out someone glaringly obvious? Please let me know, I’m always up for finding new, awesome people to follow! You can also follow me (if you want..!) @cal_morris.